Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
