That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
