he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
