where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
