My cat gives me a boner
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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