I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
