I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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