super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
