She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
