so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
