Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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