he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
