hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
