I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
