We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
