I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You did what with his pubic hair?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
