maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
