remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
