i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this boner is exhausting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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