It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
