This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
