You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
