Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
