everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
