If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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