I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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