ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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