Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
