Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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