i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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