u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
