At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
