and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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