Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
