I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
