Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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