He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
