So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
