i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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