WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
