So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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