The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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