me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
