yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
