3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
