omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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