i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
