I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
