So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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