"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You made out with two different species that night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
