"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
