I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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