i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
