"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
