It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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