Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
