I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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