The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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