the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
