the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
