i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
