But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
