Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
