I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
