so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
