ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize