OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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