Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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