I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
