Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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