Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
