I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
