You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
