Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
