I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
